Why Your Team Sucks 2. Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Some people are fans of the Tampa Bay Bucs. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Tampa Bay Bucs. This 2. 01. 7 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group.
Read all the previews so far here. Your team: Tampa Bay Bucs. Your 2. 01. 6 record: 9- 7. In those seven losses, the Bucs gave up nearly five touchdowns a game. Derek Carr hung 5.
Your coach: Dirk Koetter. “Well, I am sure there are plenty of people that think my playcalling stinks But I’ve been doing it for 35 years. Archives and past articles from the Philadelphia Inquirer, Philadelphia Daily News, and Philly.com.
Pajiba: Sweetened by Mock, Lightened by Droll. Here's an alphabetical listing of all our Film: 'A Little Chaos' Review: Alan Rickman And Kate Winslet Reunite For A.
Raiders committed 2. The Rams hung 3. 7 on them somehow. This is a rough estimate, but 9. Tavon Austin’s total receiving yards last year came against the Bucs. But please keep telling me that this is an up- and- coming defense. This team still starts Chris Conte.
- Earlier this year, the White House requested written comments from US voters about the Presidential Commission on Election Integrity, led by Vice President Mike Pence.
- Update 8/5/17 7:25pm ET: Google’s new Vice President of Diversity, Integrity & Governance Danielle Brown has issued her own memo to Google employees in response to.
- A 10-year-old has suffered bone-deep lacerations after a fish chewed on her foot and ankle while she was swimming in a Minnesota lake. Maren Kesselhon was left with.
- If you’re away from home and in need of WiFi, now Facebook can help you find it. Originally only available in a few countries, the social network’s “Find WiFi.
- Christy Brown, born with cerebral palsy, learns to paint and write with his only controllable limb - his left foot.
During real games, no less! Your coach: Dirk Koetter. Well, I am sure there are plenty of people that think my playcalling stinks… But I’ve been doing it for 3. I don’t think I’m going to forget how.” Well actually, Dirk, in your NFL career your teams have had a winning percentage below .
So it’s not that you’ve forgotten how to call plays, but rather the fact that you never learned how to call them to begin with. By the way, the Bucs were this season’s designated Hard Knocks victim. Let’s see what kind of EXCLUSIVE ACCESS we’ve been given into Koetter and his coaching methods.
Christ. Honestly, it’s like they just draw slogans out of a hat every year. Your quarterback: Congratulations, Jameis Winston! Your sexual battery case was finally dismissed after reaching an undisclosed settlement with your accuser! Finally, you can put this whole ordeal behind you. What a hardship it must have been. For YOU. Now Jameis is free to be a “leader” who “absorbs the playbook like a sponge” and “routinely commits turnovers that belong in silent comedies”: Every time I gotta read some horseshit about Jameis’s uncommon maturity and growth as a passer, it’s like people completely forget that, at least once a game, he will take the snap and proceed to re- enact every Nordberg scene from The Naked Gun.
By the way, Jameis has been the showcase star of this season’s Hard Knocks. Here he is killing a cockroach while it’s mating: Technically, that’s ALSO sexual assault. And here he is acting like Taylor Swift in the front row of an award show: I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say that Jameis Winston may not be the most genuine (or mature) fellow in the world. Fresh off beating the rap, he had the balls to lecture a group of schoolgirls about being silent, polite, and gentle.
Fuck his phony ass with a pirate flag. Thankfully, the Bucs imported a MENTOR to help him become 5.
That’s right. It’s Harvard Man, in the flesh! I could be dead in the ground 5. I swear that Ryan Fitzpatrick could still be holding down an NFL roster spot for no reason whatsoever. This team now has not one, but TWO Harvard grads on the roster.
I swooooon at the potential for elevated sideline discourse. Oh, nothing coach. Just sipping some Gatorade and discussing the impact on South China Sea trade routes should a preemptive strike in North Korea take place [FARTS]” What’s new that sucks: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA YOU CUT THE KICKER. Yes, after trading up to draft Roberto Aguayo in the second round, the Bucs had to cut him and replace him with Nick Folk…Priceless. That’s what you get for FSU- ifying half the roster. No one should ever let this team forget about the Aguayo draft bust.
This was already one of the worst picks in draft history before they released the poor bastard. They should put a monument to the trade next to the stadium bathroom. GM Jason Licht should have to walk around with a sandwich board that says I TOOK A KICKER IN THE SECOND ROUND LIKE A MORON all day long.“I’m owning up to it by releasing him. It was a bold move and it didn’t work out. I don’t know what else to say.” “Bold” isn’t the word I’d use there, amigo. Elsewhere on the roster, De. Sean Jackson is here!
On paper, the arrival of Jackson and absolute stud TE OJ Howard (drafted to replace the drunk driver they originally had at that slot) make the Bucs one of the best young passing teams in football. But, as someone who has watched De.
Sean Jackson over the years, I can assure you that every accidental fumble Winston makes is one that Jackson can make deliberately. Doug Martin was suspended for the first four games for Adderall, and will be suspended four more after he beats my ass for screaming MUSCLE HAMSTER at him from a nearby balcony. Mike Evans drops passes as swiftly as he drops visible Anthem protests.
Jon Gruden is getting inducted into the team’s ring of honor this season, even though Bill Callahan’s playsheet should have been inducted way before him. One of the linemen dined and dashed on a five- figure club tab.
What has always sucked: Miko Grimes claimed that she deliberately got her husband cut in Miami so he could come to Tampa. You played yourself, lady. Only an idiot would scheme to leave the glistening shores of South Beach to go to live in the middle of a Dog the Bounty Hunter fancon. She must have thought she could avoid the tax man there. I may be biased here because a jury of Tampa tattoo artists bankrupted this site’s former company, but for real, Fuck Tampa.
Tampa is the Arizona of Florida. Tampa is a seething mass of divorcees and wannabe pirates deliberately living in the cheesiest possible area.
The Bucs stadium isn’t even the most popular building on its block (that honor goes to Mons Venus). There’s a reason that Jon Gruden has a completely unironic love of Hooters. That’s 1. 00 percent Tampa right there. I’m surprised they don’t blare Hoobastank from air raid signals all day long. I took my family to Tampa for Spring Break once. Seagulls tried to eat our dinner every night and some lady brought an entire hi- fi system to the pool so she could play Bon Jovi. Tampa is the worst.
It’s the only city in America aiming to REDUCE mass transit. Nazis are everywhere.
Local sports teams had to give money just to get a Confederate statue taken down and it still hasn’t been taken down. A local middle school tried to sell kids a $1.
The Scientologists are the most normal people there. Fuck Tampa eternally. VIVA GAWKER, MOTHERFUCKER. What might not suck: They’re good enough on offense to score 4. Did you know? HEAR IT FROM BUCS FANS! Matthew: Robert Aguayo. Robert Aguayo. Robert Aguayo. Anton: There is nothing worse than waiting for decades for your team to get a potentially elite QB and then have him be an alleged rapist.
Who tells groups of young girls they need to shut up and let the men lead. Alex: Fuck Josh Freeman. Joseph: In two season Jameis will be the Bucs all=time leader in passing yards, surpassing Vinny fucking Testaverde. Jeb Lund: The problem with Why Your Team Sucks is that, every year, I strive to think of something uniquely bad about the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, some suck- property that grounds the team athletically and geographically in a characteristic awfulness that other people can point to and say, “I get why thisteam blows.”But I’m starting to think that’s misguided, like writing a negative review of a flat, sad Big Mac. It’s a mediocrity expected, universal and unenlightening, as dissatisfying as you want it to be, assuming you need to buy it at all. Apart from the pirate ship, Raymond James Stadium is unlovely in the way most stadiums are unlovely. It’s not exiled to some featureless exurban hinterland, but it’s not in a downtown core accessible to walking or convenient public transportation.
Before games, the neighborhood food carts and stalls are all pleasantly above average; afterward, the hassle of finding a way to get to something else to do is what you’d expect. Are the owners soulless profiteers using the NFL revenue stream to underwrite more exciting pursuits while relying on die- hard, underserved suckers? Yes. Does this distinguish them from most NFL owners? No. A Bucs fan gets grifted like everybody else.
My Bizarre Quest To Become A Jew And Play Pro Soccer In Israel. In September of 2. Hønefoss, I had spoken with Aaron about future options. I told him I wanted to get back to the United States. He thought that returning to MLS would be an option. Enough teams still knew me and I should be able to at least get a minimum salary offer to be a squad- rotation guy.
Great, make it happen,” I told him. But I don’t want to go into preseason on trial.
It has to be a firm offer.”He was confident enough about MLS that I didn’t pursue other options. I waited for his phone call. In September he said it probably wouldn’t come until November. When I called to check in around Thanksgiving, he said to be patient; teams usually fill in the lower- salary Americans at the end. He didn’t expect an offer before January.
In early December, a friend of mine, Corey, asked where everything stood. When I told him I hadn’t heard anything, he asked if he could help.
He was old buddies with New York Red Bulls technical director Ali Curtis, and offered to shoot Ali a text for me. I told Corey not to worry about it, that Aaron had assured me he would talk to all of the teams in the league. I appreciate your willingness to help, man, but don’t use the capital.” Eager to lend a hand anyway, Corey dropped it into the conversation one day when he and Curtis were catching up.
Curtis jumped at the opportunity. He extended an offer for me to come to the Red Bulls preseason camp in January for a tryout. As appreciative as I felt toward Corey, I couldn’t help but be annoyed.
Aaron had said he would check with everyone. Why was this the first time Ali was hearing I was available? Who else had Aaron not contacted? I never mentioned the Red Bulls opportunity to Aaron, nor called him out on it.
Aaron and I had become friends and I felt bad getting upset with him. Even though my agents were supposed to work for me, I always felt uncomfortable telling them what to do. Of all the people I’ve stood up to in my career, I always felt weak when talking to agents. I thanked Corey for the connection, but told him I would have to think about it. I wanted to stick to my “no preseason trial” game plan. For years I’d seen players go into an MLS preseason camp and get dragged along for six weeks only to be released at the end.
Trialists act as backup options while the team executives look around the world to find someone better. I get that you need to grind and put away your pride to survive in this business, but I had been toyed with enough in Dallas and felt averse to letting a team have the power. Plus, even if I made the team, I would be a substitute fighting to make the 1. Either the team wanted me enough to sign me or I wouldn’t want to be there anyway. To force Curtis’ hand to get a firm contract offer, I told him that I was planning to go on trial with DC United, though DC had made no such offer, hoping Curtis would feel the pressure and offer me a contract. Watch Online Watch Zorro Full Movie Online Film on this page.
It was the first bluff of my business life. He didn’t take the bait. I didn’t want to experience the feeling of rejection and failure.
I dreaded having to tell people, “I didn’t make it,” and then see the look in their eyes. As the end of December arrived and a firm MLS contract hadn’t come, I started to come to terms with the Red Bulls option.
Despite Aaron’s optimism that something might still materialize, I could look at the rosters around the league and see there wasn’t any room for me. And since we’d assumed an offer would come, we didn’t look at other leagues or other countries. Without any other options, at the turn of the year, I had planned to call Curtis and accept his offer. I just needed a couple nights to sleep on the decision, so I pushed off the call a couple days. The week after New Year’s, I got a hotel room in suburban Philadelphia to train with other pros in the area.
We had a core group of players that had done off- season training together for the previous six years. We would meet three or four days a week and play 6v. A few days after New Year’s we were doing a crossing and finishing drill. A ball got whipped in from the right and as the ball approached me at knee height, I hopped up a few inches to meet the ball with the inside of my right foot. As I came down, I landed awkwardly on my left foot.
The ball flew past the goalie into the net, but I could feel the back of the sole of my foot jam into the turf and the instant stab of hard, tingling pain. Watch The Wages Of Fear Tube Free. I hobbled to the sideline.
After a couple of minutes, I hopped back in line and took a few more reps, doing my best to adjust my body to deal with the pain, but eventually told the other guys that I needed to step out. I couldn’t even touch the foot to the ground without excruciating pain. I figured it was a spontaneous ache that would be gone by the time Red Bulls camp started in 1. But the heel didn’t improve by the next day.
It had gotten worse overnight. I couldn’t put any pressure on my left sole at all. I had to hobble on my toes. Throughout the ensuing week I expected to wake up and feel the muscle relaxed, but every day it remained tight and unusable. Walking was a chore, running unbearable. My workouts for the first few days included walks to the ice maker in the freezer.
The fluke injury couldn’t have come at a worse time. Unable to move faster than the grandpa pushing his cart next to me at the grocery store, I had to call the Red Bulls and regretfully decline. Throughout my whole career I had been afraid to go to a team on trial. I always took the safe bet and guaranteed contract. I returned to Dallas instead of waiting to see what could happen in Sweden; and when I left GAIS to move to Norway, I took the guaranteed option at Baerum instead of taking an option to go on trial with a bigger club. I didn’t want not to make the team and be left without a contract at all.
Or, at least, that’s the reason I gave myself. Really, I didn’t want to experience the feeling of rejection and failure. I dreaded having to tell people, “I didn’t make it,” and then see the look in their eyes. Now, though, I’d finally moved past those insecurities, and I suffered a fluke injury. A few hours after I called the Red Bulls, Aaron told me he hadn’t received any interest on his end, either. My reaction paralleled indifference. I took the next few days off my feet.
I sat on the couch and binged through House of Cards with my dad. When the foot recovers, I told myself, assuming it would just take a few days, I’ll start to look again. Since I couldn’t play, I wouldn’t let myself stress about being unemployed. At the end of my week off, my foot hadn’t improved much, but I had to start making moves. I asked Aaron to evaluate the options abroad.
He put out feelers in Belgium and the Netherlands. I also talked to a new agent about potentially going to Korea. I didn’t feel completely comfortable reaching out to new agents. Aaron had been my guy for the five years since college, but I didn’t know what choice I had. When I learned he hadn’t reached out to the Red Bulls, I realized I had to be more proactive myself.
An old teammate from Dallas said an agent had just reached out to him about possibly playing in Israel. You should give him a call,” he told me. Your dad is Jewish, right? So you could qualify as a domestic player. No harm in making the call.” I wanted to correct him and mention that actually there could be a lot of harm in moving to Israel, but I didn’t want to sound like that guy. I took the number.
Israel, huh? Screw it. Why not? I had run out of ideas. I was tired of sitting around waiting for Aaron to call. There are few things worse than sitting around waiting for the phone to ring.
Much to my surprise, however, there isn’t just a form on the Internet that declares one as “Jewish.”I called the Israel agent, Leo. No answer. I left him a voicemail. For years, I was scared to cold- call people out of the blue like that. It always seemed so lame and desperate. In the weeks after Aaron said an MLS offer would not be coming, though, I developed a resilience.